Out of touch = out of sight = out of mind.
By Assertive Way
Key Takeaways
- Staying in touch with your network is often more important than expanding your network.
- When you stay in contact, it shows you care so they like you more, you are at the top of their mind for career opportunities and connections, and you are better able to add value to them.
- The negative stories you may be telling yourself to not reach out are: you don’t have something valuable to share, you’re not successful enough, you don’t have a justification, they won’t respond or don’t care, they will think you want something or are stalking them.
- Train yourself to reach out to stay in touch with this 7-Day Reach Out Challenge.
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The myths preventing you from staying in touch with your network are: you don’t have something valuable to share, you’re not successful enough, you don’t have a justification, they won’t respond or don’t care, they will think you want something, or you are stalking them.
I met with my first boss 8 years after I worked for him. He happened to visit the city where I was living on holidays. He told me something that I never forgot.
He said that “if you stay out of sight, you’ll be out of mind” and that I should stay in touch with him. He shared how another ex-employee contacted him at least once every year and how he really liked it. I had not contacted him once in those 8 years.
If you want others to remember you then stay in touch. Relationships require being present with certain frequency.
If you want others to remember you then stay in touch.
I did a poor job in staying connected with friends, bosses, work colleagues, and mentors even though I knew the importance of nurturing my past contacts. I felt awkward, I feared rejection and appearing needy.
Why You Need To Stay In Touch With Your Existing Network
Staying in touch with former contacts is an overlooked part of networking. Instead of only focusing on growing your network, dedicate time to nurture your existing circle of contacts.
Staying in touch with former contacts is an overlooked part of networking. Instead of only focusing on growing your network, dedicate time to nurture your existing circle of contacts.
Here are 4 reasons you should stay in touch with your existing network.
Reason 1 – Leverage effort
You already placed a lot of time and effort into those relationships. You’ve spent between 100 and 300 hours a year with your former bosses or each of your former employees. You’ve spent countless hours with past colleagues, clients, mentors, professors, and school mates. They know you and trust you. Why would you waste all that effort?
Reason 2 – Open for opportunities
85% of positions are filled through networking according to The Adler Group. Your best future jobs are likely to be initiated by people from your past who know, trust, and value you. But only if you are at the top of their minds when such opportunities emerge. You can also access them more easily if you need help or advice.
Reason 3 – Signal appreciation
Staying in touch shows you value and appreciate the relationship. How does a good friend show she/he cares about you? By remembering you, wanting to know what is happening in your life, and finding ways to support you. Caring is being present and showing interest in someone. You also show you care by offering connections, articles, and opportunities that may be useful to them.
Reason 4 – Be informed about them
It keeps you informed about them. People’s lives change at a rocket’s speed. They may move to another city or country, start a family, change jobs and careers several times. Many of those changes may be on their social media profiles. However, other changes such as passion projects, hobbies, travels, and family issues may not be in their social media.
You’ve spent between 100 and 300 hours a year with your former bosses or each of your former employees. They know you and trust you. Why would you waste all that effort?
Debunking Myths That Keep You From Staying In Touch
Here are 6 thoughts that may be holding you back from keeping touch with people and a better way to think about them.
1. I do not have valuable content to share
People are not expecting you to share valuable information with them every time you contact them. People enjoy connection, appreciation, and being remembered. It is a lot more powerful to be present during status quo than to show up only when you want something.
Connect on a holiday, on their birthday, or when you hear news about them. Ask them how they are doing or how a project they are working on is going. Stay up to date with their life and goals. Congratulate them on a new job, wedding or milestone achieved. Thank them for something they did for you in the past. You can even reach out to ask for advice.
2. I am not successful enough and don’t have major accomplishments to share
People are not interested in you. People are interested in themselves. Your primary goal is not to show off all your incredible accomplishments even though you can share your wins. Your primary goal is to connect.
Make it about them by asking questions about their work, family, and projects. Give a brief update on what is going on in your life, not only your major accomplishments. Share a new job status, a move to another city, updates on marriage or kids, recent travel, and hobbies.
3. It’s been too long and I don’t have good justification
It is never too late and you don’t need to justify. Remember that they were not in touch either. They may be even happier to hear from you if they have not heard from you for a while. It is unlikely they will ask you ‘why did you contact me?’
If for whatever reason they ask you why you got in touch, just say that you thought of them and wanted to say hi.
4. They will not respond because they don’t care about me
What happens if they do not answer? You will not reconnect. But if you do not get in touch then you will not reconnect either. Therefore, you have nothing to lose. Do not give up after one or two tries. Remember that people get a substantial number of messages every day and are likely to miss many of them. Remember that their life can be busy at times and that spam folders can hide your message.
Try to reach out 3 times. If you do not hear back after 3 attempts, then let it go. You did not lose anything, and you still have your dignity.
5. They will think I want something from them
Even if you are more junior to them, they can also benefit from the connection. Many people enjoy helping others and seeing those who they worked with grow.
Do not just contact people when you want something. Get in touch as soon as you are out of touch.
6. They will think I am stalking them
Thinking about someone shows you care about them.
Be in touch every few months and then decide how often you will be in touch based on how they respond.
People are not interested in you. People are interested in themselves. Your primary goal is not to show off all your incredible accomplishments even though you can share your wins. Your primary goal is to connect.
The elegant thing to do is to stay connected. It is much better to be in touch than not to. You cannot control how others respond so do not focus on it. Get out of the shadows and proudly present yourself to your esteemed network. Get in touch and stay in touch, and you will be surprised with the positivity you will find.
Overcome the discomfort of reaching out to people so that you connect, network, and develop soft skills. Get started with the 7-Day Reach Out Challenge here and it’s free or check one of the free assertiveness resources here.
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“Out of sight, out of mind. The absent are always in the wrong.” – Thomas A. Kempis