How To Respond To Dismissive Comments From Rude Coworkers

5 steps to respond to dismissive comments are to stay calm, change your tone to serious, keep your message short and to the point, talk about what you want and the consequences, move on quickly and treat the aggressor respectfully afterwards.

It can hurt when someone responds to what you say by saying, “are you on your period?”, “you’re too sensitive,” or “you seem too emotional.”

Here’s an example: “Are you on your period or something?” In a high stakes business meeting, Tracy was trying to move business along with the other men in the room, and then she was called out by a powerful guy with that question.

She was taken aback, felt humiliated and furious in the moment. But she didn’t want to lose the business opportunity.

So, she excused herself, went to the bathroom, and took a minute to get a hold of herself.

She came back, looked at him in a serious way, and said: “If you ever speak to me like that again, this meeting will be over. But I’m ready move on if you are.”

They finished the meeting. It hurt, and she cried all the way home.

Then she moved on. Next time the met again, she was back to her normal happy self, without an edge. And she felt good about herself.

In the example narrated in the Women Of Impact Show, the businesswoman responds to the accusation in a very assertive way in five simple steps. She imposes her boundaries and stays positive in the end.

Here are 5 easy steps to respond to an unfair accusation.

1. Stay calm and collected.

When you respond emotionally, angry, or annoyed to someone’s aggression or microaggression, it shows to them that is a hot button for you.

When someone knows your hot button, they can use it against you to try to destabilize you and make you look silly and unprofessional in front of others. It gives them control over you. If they are manipulators, they can use those hot buttons to get what they want. 

The best way to avoid future problems is to avoid showcasing any major negative emotion by responding in a cool, calm, and collected way. You can say you didn’t like how they spoke but say it in a calm way.

And remember, accusations (even when true) and blaming are aggressive behavior. When people feel attacked, they are less likely to collaborate. Don’t lower your level, keep your poise.

If you need to excuse yourself and take a break, do that, and then rejoin the conversation, like Tracy did.

2. Change your tone into serious.

When someone is telling a story, you’ll know that the most important part, the climax, is about to happen, because the narrator will pause for longer than usual, make more eye contact, lean in, and speak slower.

To instantly signal to the other person that you have something serious to say and that they should pay attention, change your tone and body language in the same way a storyteller does to signal that something important is about to be said.

Look them in the eye, stay focused, pause, adjust your tone, speak slower, and get serious. 

3. Keep your message short and to the point.

When someone tells you for the first time, “I love you” it stays in your memory forever even though it’s only 3 words, because of how powerful those words are. You remember the moment, the person who told you that, the location, and even the tone.

Same thing when responding to dismissive comments, shorter and to the point is usually more impactful.

The shorter your message, the better. Long-winded, dramatic, or over-the-top responses can sound like complaining. The more you say, the less impact and the less memorable your point will be. And the less likely the other person is to change.

Instead, be very deliberate about what you say so that every word has a meaningful impact. Next, you’ll fin out what to say to create impact.

4. Talk about what you want and consequences.

Instead of focusing on how aggressive, unprofessional, and rude the other person is, focus instead on communicating how you want them to treat you and on letting them know your boundary.

Explain that you didn’t like the comment, explain how you want them to change their behavior, and why it matters. You can also communicate what will happen if they don’t change their behavior or if they do decide to cooperate.

That way, you focus their full attention on the change you want and they don’t feel defensive.

5. Move on quickly and treat the aggressor respectfully afterwards.

Once you stand up for yourself, you’ll be able to heal from that emotional wound and move on quickly, so that you can continue being happy and productive.

Remember to the be change that you want to see in the world, as Gandhi said, and to treat others, even the rude ones, the way you want to be treated. This will do two things: it will show them that you are are more in control than them and at the same time model the behavior that you expect from them.

When you get a chance to meet the person who treated you poorly again, instead of holding a grudge and acting cold with them, treat them normally and respectfully. Give them a chance to change their behavior towards you. There is no need to damage the relationship.

Once you start to smartly defend yourself against dismissive comments from rude people in your workplace, you’ll feel more confident about yourself, your rude coworkers will realize they shouldn’t mess with you and will start to treat you with more respect.

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