And should you, can you, and is it worth it to overcome it?
By Assertive Way
Key Takeaways
- Introversion is about your energy. Shyness is fear of people’s judgement. Social anxiety is extreme shy. Passive is not speaking up for what you need, want, and believe.
- Overcoming social anxiety is liberating, overcoming shyness is joyful; overcoming passivity gives you control.
- You can be mellow, soft-spoken, and assertive like the Dalai Lama.
- Shy leaders may struggle to get buy In, inspire confidence in others, and protect their people.
- Introverted leaders can be exceptional like Warren Buffet, Albert Einstein, Gandhi, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Rosa Parks.
- Passive leaders may struggle to protect others, give constructive feedback, maintain team morale, secure resources, earn respect, and get buy in.
- If people describe you as nice, people-pleaser, obedient, doormat, hesitant, shy, selfless, submissive, then you may act passively.
Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter “Nice With Limits” for tips and inspiration for confidence at work and to boost your career!
We take your email seriously and will never sell or share it.
Do you know the difference between introvert, shyness, passive behavior, and social anxiety?
Many people confuse those terms and use them interchangeably. It took me a long to understand the difference. It is useful to understand what each one means so that you can focus on what you need the most.
Be soft-spoken as long as you have a roaring voice inside.
My journey of overcoming social anxiety, shyness, introversion, and passive behavior
When I was young, I was socially anxious and shy. Luckily, I overcame my social anxiety in my teens. I overcame my shyness in my 20s. And I’ve been overcoming my passivity in my 30s. And at some point, I transitioned from introvert to ambivert. I learned that I can be soft-spoken as long as I have a roaring voice inside.
I intentionally decided to work on those 4 characteristics. That was my greatest challenge in life. Here’s how I was able to overcome them.
I dealt with social anxiety by consistently throwing myself in uncomfortable situations like going to parties, dance classes, improvisation classes, traveling with groups, and learning how to cope. This made me feel less crippled and in life.
I dealt with shyness by doing many social experiments, attending conferences, events, meetups, reframing anxious as excitement, focusing on possibilities and dreams, and learning how to engage socially by listening. This made me feel more joy in the experiences of life.
I was happy with my introversion because it gave me reflective capabilities. However, over the years I became ambivert because I discovered the joy in some forms of social interaction that I liked the most, such as meeting and learning the stories of other professionals in networking events, discussing thought provoking ideas in conferences, and managing teams and projects at work.
I learned to speak up and be more assertive by studying about it, doing a lot of self-reflection, focusing on my goals, talking more about myself, and having a bias towards uncomfortable action when it mattered. This made me feel the most confident because I felt I had more control over my life, it gave me tangible results, and it allowed the leader within me to surface.
Introversion is not a flaw. Introversion is inner power that ignites your flame.
Social Anxiety X Shyness X Introversion X Passive Behavior
If you’ve ever wondered what the difference between all these terms that people often use interchangeably, here it is.
Introversion
Introversion is not a flaw. Introversion is inner power that ignites your flame. Introverts prefer to spend the weekend at home, reading a book, walking in nature, or watching a film. It is a personality trait of being quieter and more reserved.
It’s about where you get your energy. Introverted people get energy from time alone while extroverted people like social activities, parties, and to be the center of attention. Introverts can be shy or not.
There are many exceptional introverted leaders such as Bill Gates, Eleanor Roosevelt, Elon Musk, Warren Buffet, Mark Zucherberg, Mahatma Gandhi, and Albert Einstein.
Shyness
Shy people may look down when talking to others to avoid eye contact, they feel nervous and awkward in social events. They magnify their fear of negative judgement from others. Therefore, their focus is to not make any social mistakes rather than on being themselves or taking any risks.
Shy people feel anxious and will avoid some social situations that make them uncomfortable but are still able to have a functioning and happy life. Shyness is considered a normal personality trait, partly derived from your genes and partly derived from experiences in life.
It is possible to be a great shy leader, however it could limit your ability to be effective when you reach out outside of your immediate circle of connections in standard leadership roles.
Social Anxiety
People with social anxiety may not sign up for a class they’re really interested in because of the fear of other people’s judgement. They might not take a promotion because they can’t handle the attention in the meetings.
Social anxiety is an extreme version of shyness that affects people’s life because it causes people to withdraw from several situations. Social anxiety is not considered a normal personality trait. The fear of shame and humiliation is too big for them to handle.
Like shyness, it can be a lot more difficult to lead if you have social anxiety unless you don’t have to interact much with people outside of your team.
Passive Behavior
Passive behavior may be saying yes to a request when you really want to say no, not asking for a promotion even though you feel like you deserve it, not giving negative feedback to an employee, allowing others to make decisions on your behalf, avoiding conflict, feeling guilty when going against others, or trying hard to be what others expect of you.
People with passive behaviors don’t advocate for themselves and don’t express their needs, desires, and rights. They give away their power.
Passive behavior is often associated with people pleasing, being submissive, co-dependency, or even being “nice.” Many people who are shy are often passive, but not always.
People usually learn to be passive as a child, when parents and teachers reward obedient, compliant, and selfless behaviors, or when the child feels they must act that way to keep their family happy.
It was when I led teams that I realized the huge weight of my passivity on moving towards my vision. I was no longer just hurting myself. My overly cautious behavior affected my team. Passive leaders are usually caring however not effective. It is hard to take care of your team, secure resources, and protect the team’s interests in a world of assertive and aggressive people when you are afraid to speak up.
Leaders find the courage to speak up for their vision, their beliefs, and their people.
Leaders find the courage to speak up for their vision, their beliefs, and their people.
What Do You Need?
You can end social anxiety, be less shy, be more assertive, and even derive more energy from social interactions if you are intentional about it. That way you’ll end the feeling of being crippled socially, you’ll find your personal freedom, you’ll have more joy, you’ll feel more in control, and you’ll accelerate your career.
If you want to become the leader you are meant to be, you’ll need to learn how to be more assertive and to speak up for your vision, for your team, and for your following.
Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter “Nice With Limits” for tips and inspiration for confidence at work and to boost your career!
We take your email seriously and will never sell or share it.
Summary
Do you know the difference between introvert, shyness, passive behavior, and social anxiety?
Introversion
Introverts get energy from time alone while extroverts get energy in social activities. There are many exceptional introverted leaders such as Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and Mark Zucherberg.
Shyness
Shy people avoid eye contact, feel nervous, and awkward in social events. They magnify their fear of negative judgement from others. They feel anxious and avoid some social situations but are still able to have a functioning and happy life.
Social Anxiety
People with social anxiety may not take a promotion because they can’t handle the attention in the meetings. Social anxiety is an extreme version of shyness that affects people’s life because it causes people to withdraw from several situations.
Passive Behavior
Passive behavior may be saying yes when you mean no, not asking for a promotion when you want it, or not giving negative feedback to an employee. Passive’s don’t express their needs, desires, and rights. They give away their power. It is often associated with people pleasing, being submissive, co-dependency, or even being “nice.”
What Do You Need?
You can end social anxiety, be less shy, and be more assertive. That way you’ll be less crippled socially, find your personal freedom, have more joy, and feel more in control.
“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” – Lady Bird Johnson
Spread the assertive confidence!
Are you introverted, shy, socially anxious, or passive? Does it bother you at all?