Never Ruin Your Beautiful Personality To Be Assertive

Many people resist becoming more assertive because they think it is inauthentic, it changes their personality, and it will make them unrecognizable to others and to themselves.

When they don’t become assertive, they continue to have the same problems they always had: being taken for granted, taken advantage of, disrespected, ignored, unappreciated, and misunderstood by others.

Is being a doormat, a pushover, and aggressive (which are the opposites of being assertive) a personality trait? Is it a desirable personality trait?

Does Being More Assertive Change Your Personality?

Assertiveness is not a personality or trait, it is a skill. And as a skill, it doesn’t change your personality, it enhances it. Assertive communication is a language that helps you communicate better, like French. As a language, it is a skill that you can learn.

When you learn the skill of basic cooking, you can then use that skill to cook meals that you love, like vegan meals, burgers, Asian, Mexican, and Italian.

When you learn the skill of painting, you can use that skill to liberate your creative expression with whatever paintings that represent your personality, like still paintings, nature, and portraits.

When you learn the skill of self-defense, you are still the same person, but with those skills you can confidently explore the world on your wn knowing that you have the skills to defend yourself.

When you learn the skill of French language, you are still the same person. But you can then travel to France, have authentic conversations with French people, learn French authentic recipes from French people, and choose how you want to use this new language that you learned.

Assertiveness Language Versus French Language

The difference between learning French and learning assertiveness is that you are not born knowing French but were born assertive. However, you learned to behave in non-assertive ways as you grew up.

Other communication styles, like aggressive communication, passive communication, and passive-aggressive communication are behaviors that you learn to protect yourself or get what you want. And usually these learned communication styles that work to some extent when you are a child, backfire when you become an adult.

As you grow, the complexity of situations, relationships, and communication grows, and so should your language of assertiveness.

When you learn a new language, like French, you are still the same person. But you use that language to help you travel to the best spots, have authentic conversations with locals, learn local recipes, and choose how you want to use this new language that you learned to explore, develop, and experience new things that align with your personal interests.

If you don’t know how to speak French or any other language, one of four scenarios will happen.

And these scenarios are exactly what happen when you don’t know the language of assertiveness. It radically changes the depth and value of your interpersonal experiences.

Scenario 1 – You Stay Safe by Not Travelling.

You may choose to not travel to France, because it will be too uncomfortable and scary to get around and communicate when you don’t know their language. Better to stay safe at home. But you’ll miss out on an unforgettable and enriching experiences.

In the same way, when you don’t know the language of assertiveness and choose to not speak up, express yourself, and engage, you will miss out on many unforgettable and rich experiences that could profoundly improve your career, finances, relationships, and life.

Scenario 2 – You Travel and Go To Tourist Traps.

Without the knowledge of the French language, you may choose to travel to France and only go to safe tourist traps where you will see thousands of other people from your country (certainly not the local experience!).

You may never eat true authentic French food, experience the real culture of French people, or get to know any French person that is not catering to tourists. You will be extremely limited in your options and will miss out on most of the best real French experiences.

In the same way, when you speak up and express yourself only in safe and comfortable ways to avoid risks, you’ll be missing out on important opportunities, life experiences, and even relationships.

Scenario 3 – You Try to Talk to Locals and Are Ripped Off.

You may go to France and try to be kind and have conversations with the French people in English. They’ll quickly notice you have no idea what you are doing. 

Some of the few French people who are not good people will realize that you are a perfect easy tourist target trying to be nice but unable to communicate and will rip you off. What’s worse, sometimes you won’t even know it happened.

In the same way, when you don’t know how to be assertive and instead try to be nice in the wrong way, you’ll attract the kind of person that wants to take advantage of your kindness.

Scenario 4 – You Try to Talk to The Locals And Come Across As Rude And Offensive.

You may go to France and try to have conversation with the French people and get super frustrated because they don’t understand your English or failed attempts to speak French. You might even speak louder and yell, but they still won’t understand.

You will feel misunderstood, get frustrated, and may get aggressive towards them. You might accidently say something offensive. And the locals will think you are rude and aggressive.

In the same way, when you try to assert yourself without knowing how to be assertive, you can come across as rude, aggressive, and offensive.

But what if you learn the language? Then you have the experience in scenario 5.

Scenario 5 – You Learn to Speak the Language and Have the Best Time of Your Life.

If you learn to speak French, you’ll feel confident to travel around France, meet the people you find the most interesting, do the activities that you like the most and that fit your personality, have conversations with French people about things you love and are curious about, and have an unforgettable experience that you’ll get to cherish and share forever.

In the same way, when you learn to speak the language of assertiveness to be able to express yourself in any situation with anyone in a respectful way, you’ll have the best experiences, opportunities, and outcomes you could possibly get.

You’ll feel engaged, heard, and be expressive. You’ll feel free to speak your mind, liberated to speak your truth, and confident to be authentically you and still get across to others in the right way.

People will feel attracted to your newfound confidence and authenticity. And important conversations will be effortless and leave you feeling as light as a feather.

It can take several years to learn the French language and you’ll only get to use when you go to a French-speaking country.

But learning the assertiveness language will only take you a few days or months with me and you’ll get to use it every single day of your life.

Commit to starting to learn the language of assertiveness right now by signing up to our free newsletter on how to be more assertive without being rude here.