Most companies have male-favoring work cultures. They were created and are run by a majority of men which favors, celebrates, and promotes the masculine way. This is why manterruption, mansplaining, and bropriating are a widespread problem in the workplace.

The Double-Bind Dilemma Women Face At Work

The challenge for women is not only the man-centric culture, but also the double-bind dilemma when women do take charge according to research done by Catalyst, The Double-Bind Dilemma for Women in Leadership.

The study shows that when women take charge, they are seen as competent but disliked. While men who take charge are seen as strong and decisive. And when women are caring, they are liked, but there are viewed as less competent. The problem is that go get ahead, both women and men must be viewed as both competent and likable. Women are already at a disadvantage here.

Another famous study showed how students perceived the main character in a business case by only changing the name from a male one (Howard) to a female one (Heidi), everything else remaining exactly the same.

The result was that students felt Heidi was significantly less likable and worthy of being hired than Howard because she was more “selfish” than Howard. But the case study was exactly the same for both! Which means that for women, more power meant less likable. And for men, more power meant more likable.

The Challenge Women Face In The Workplace

With all this confusion, no wonder professional women feel more self-doubt, often feeling like an impostor, and feel like they aren’t ever being good enough at work to be noticed, heard, and respected by male coworkers.

Women are constantly being ignored, overlooked, invisible… and wonder why.

No woman should have to work harder than a man just to earn the right to be taken seriously. Women ought to be treated fairly at work.

Overcoming The Double-Bind Challenges 

Like you, I was frustrated by not being taken seriously and being minimized by male co-workers. That is why I care about you getting what you deserve at work without having to compromise your girliness, your kindness, or your work-life balance.

My female clients from Google and Amazon have realized they can speak up, be heard, and gain respect without giving up on their women identity.

The secret to being able to speak up, be taken seriously and be liked at the same time, and still stay true to who you are, is in following these 3 steps:

• Spot the key dominant male speaking up patterns so that you – differences between men and women speak up.
• Speak up politely without giving up on yourself as a woman and on your own individual personality so that you make yourself heard without the backlash.
• Neutralize male speaking up dominance and magnify your positive influence with specific strategies so that you and other women can be treated fairly at work.

A New Opportunity For Women To Be Taken Seriously By Coworkers

Say no to being constantly interrupted by men, m=en taking credit for what you do or your ideas, being passed over for promotion for a less qualified man, or being told you are too sensitive or too aggressive.

Get the respect that you deserve at work while staying true to yourself so that you can get paid what you are worth, work the hours you want, and be recognized for what you do. That way you feel worthy, deserving, and confident about your continued success at work. Get treated fairly at work and finally meet your potential that has been restricted by dominant male cultures.

That way you can reveal the confident, powerful, and kind, and esteemed she-rah that lives inside of you.

6 Differences Between How Women and Men Speak Up At Work

Here are 6 key differences between how men and women communicate and speak up in the workplace.

1. Conversation Style – Dialogue vs. Monologue

Women engage in more dialogue back and forth participatory conversations while men prefer to monologue in the form of a mini-speech moment and get to their point without being interrupted.

That means men will prevent others from interrupting them while they are speaking, while women will welcome interruptions as part of the conversational flow dance.

This naturally leads to women getting less airtime than men.

While I feel that women are way ahead, because dialogue is the most powerful way of engaging, leading, and problem-solving, they are punished for having inclusive communication.

What’s the solution? Keep the dialogue 80% of the time. But for 20% of the time, when you have something important to say, when you want to be properly heard and understood, hold your ground until you finish. And after you are done, invite others to speak.

2. Apologies – Apologize For Politeness vs. No Apologies

Women apologize a lot more than men. For women it’s part of being polite. They’ll say things like “I’m sorry”, “I’m not sure if you’ll agree”, and “I’m not sure but here’s my opinion.”

Men interpret women’s apologies as lack of confidence in what they are saying and a demonstration that they are less competent, and less deserving of being taken seriously because they are unsure about what they are saying.

When you say “sorry” for expressing yourself when you haven’t done anything wrong, you appear less confident, less capable, and less sure of yourself.

Apologizing when you disagree or are making a request does not demonstrate politeness to men. It costs you respect and credibility and invites others to challenge you.

Even when you make a mistake, it’s often better to frame it as an opportunity to learn and to change rather than an apology. If you apologize, make it simple and avoid over-apologizing.

Instead of apologizing to be polite, demonstrate your politeness by uplifting and encouraging others. Inviting others to share their views is very polite, considerate and kind. You can even include a hidden compliment in the invitation, “I’d love to hear your perspective Susan as a project manager with a lot of experience in this area”.

3. Job Application – Apply With 100% Qualifications vs. Apply With 60% Qualifications

You’ve probably heard it somewhere, men apply for a job when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, but women apply only if they meet 100% of them. This leads to less qualified men getting better opportunities than more qualified women!

Studies show that one of the main reasons this happens is that women believe they won’t even be considered for the job if the job post says they want all of those qualifications. Women follow the rules. However, that is not the case and workplace rules are broken all the time. Exceptions happen all the time.

Good girls are rewarded for following rules and therefor grow up to women who take less risks than men. The saying “No risks, no rewards” has some truth to it.

Take a few more calculated risks as experiments to learn. Do this in your own way. But remember, you don’t always have to follow the rules, you can challenge the rules. After all, rules are arbitrary conditions set by arbitrary people.

4. Confrontation – Indirect vs. Direct

Men are very direct in their communication and confrontation. While women confront in an indirect way.

The problem is that men don’t understand women’s indirect confrontation signaling and ignore it completely.

A female twist to this is to confront directly but to include empathy, listening, and acknowledgment in it to show that you care.

Confront others, but don’t be confrontational. That means speak up to bring about differences and disagreements and to challenge others but do so in a non-confrontational way.

That means point out facts and avoid making accusations, attacks, or demonstrating judgement. And ask questions to better understand the other person’s perspective.

5. Speak up – Wait For Turn vs. Interrupt to Speak

Because women are more collaborative, inclusive, and like to follow rules (even if unspoken rules), they will often wait for their turn to speak in a meeting. They might wait for others to speak first, they might wait for someone to invite them to speak, or for a natural pause.

On the other hand, as soon as a man has something to say, he will own the meeting by interrupting to share his thought. And at that point he will hold people off from interrupting him until he finishes what he has to say.

The problem is that this difference between women’s and men’s approach leads to women not getting many opportunities to speak. And by the time they do get a chance to contribute, the conversation topic has changed.

To overcome this problem, women need to get comfortable interrupting men politely and not allowing them to interrupt when speaking.

6. Time Talking At Meetings – Less vs. More

With all these differences in how women and men communicate at work, women will have significantly less talking time than men.

If you try to dialogue and open up for men to participate, he may take the opportunity to monologue. When you try to speak he may interrupts you, but won’t allow you to interrupt him. So, at the end, you won’t get much speaking time.

Taking time matters to build a professional brand and image. Plus, ideas get often attributed to those who talk more.

What can women do? In meetings where you are more senior and are leading a meeting, it makes sense to speak less and encourage others to speak more. But in meetings where you are a participant and there are powerful decision makers present, put some effort with the tips already shared to increase your speaking time.

But it doesn’t have to be that way when you learn to speak up with empathetic assertiveness!

 Here’s a selection of my top podcast episodes for you to binge listen to.

[041] Top 10 Daily Challenges Women Face At Work

[030] Ladies: 10 Credibility Killer Mistakes That Undermine You At Work (And What To Do Instead)

[033] 10 Secrets to Heart-Centered Assertive Communication

[025] You Don’t Have To Be Aggressive To Get Ahead

[022] 7 Tips To Confidently Speak In Large Meetings

[019] Confident And Assertive Non-Verbals To Be Taken Seriously

Responding to Compliments You Hate (as a Woman)

[012] How Passion, Feedback, Persistence, And “Not Yet” Can Help You Achieve Your Dreams.