Do men not take you seriously at work? Thriving as a woman at work is not easy….

Do guys question everything you do? Do they question your credibility? Do they underestimate your intelligence? Even guys with less experience! Do you feel like you have to constantly prove yourself?

Unfortunately, sexism and gender bias is a real thing! And being the only woman in the room or one of the few around makes it more difficult…

Here’s what’s important to know.

Perceived credibility is not always about your diplomas and experience. People, and men in particular, associate confidence to competence…even if you are clearly competent.

And the good news is there are small adjustments you can make that will instantly increase the credibility factor, even if you already know how smart and credible you are so that you don’t have to repeatedly prove your credibility and competence.

When you make a few small changes, you’ll start to notice how others will respect you more, listen to you, and take you more seriously.

There are better ways to be polite, friendly, kind, and warm that don’t accidently undermine your competence.

This episode shows you 10 credibility killer mistakes that you might be making that undermine you at work (plus examples and what to do instead).

Mistake #1 – Apologize

Do you apologize for your opinion or for what you want? Women tend to apologize more than men.

When you say “sorry” you appear less confident, less capable, and less sure of yourself.

Apologizing when you disagree or are making a request does not demonstrate politeness. It costs you respect and credibility and invites others to challenge you.

Even when you make a mistake, it’s often better to frame it as an opportunity to learn and change rather than an apology. If you apologize, make it simple and avoid over-apologizing.

Here are some examples of things to not apologize for.

• Asking a question: “I’m sorry, but I have a question.”
• Disagreement: “I’m sorry, but I have a different view.” or “I’m sorry, but I have another idea.”
• Bothering other people: “I’m sorry to bother you…”
• Request: “I’m sorry, but I want to ask you a favor.”
• Mistake: “I’m soooo sorry I made this mistake, I promise I will never ever make it again.”

Mistake #2 – Minimize your view

Do you minimize what you are about to say with credibility tentative undermining introductions to what you have to say?For example:

• “I’m not sure but…”
• “I’m not an expert but…”
• “This is not a great idea but…”
• “I might be wrong but…”
• “This is probably stupid but…”
• “You may not agree but…”

Mistake #3 – Say “just” or “actually”

Remove the adverb “just” in your workplace vocabulary when it signifies “perhaps” or “possibly” because it comes across as lacking confidence, certainty, and as not very important.

For example,

• “This is just an idea.”
• “I’d just like to say that…”

Another word to remove is “actually” as in “I actually think differently.”

Instead jump straight into your comment.

Mistake #4 – Stop speaking when interrupted by default

If you get interrupted, do you lower your volume, look away, or stop your sentence halfway through by default?

When you do that, you’re signaling hesitation and “listen to them, their opinion is more important than mine because they are more important than me.”

And that will invite others to keep interrupting you repeatedly.

Finish your sentence in full normal volume without looking down.

Mistake #5 – Ask for permission

Do you ask for permission to do what you need to do to be successful if it doesn’t hurt anyone?

Those who ask for permission are seen as less powerful, less competent, and subordinate.

Avoid using “Can I..”, “May I…”, and “Is it ok if I …”

Instead, communicate what you think, want, or will do.

When you ask for permission, you increase the chances of others saying no.

If the other person has an issue with it, they will let you know. You can always respond to people’s reactions afterwards.

Here are 5 examples of when not to ask for permission and what to say instead.

• Opinion
  • “Can I share my view?”
  • Instead, share your opinion in meetings and gatherings even if there are more senior people in the room.
  • “I’ve observed that…”
• Opportunities
  • “May I participate on this project.”
  • Instead of asking for permission to engage in new opportunities, either state how you’ll get involved, what value you can add, or how you feel about it.
  • “I’d love to work on this project.”
  • “Here’s how I can help out with this project.”
• Requests
  • “Is it ok if I ask you for something?”
  • Instead, simply ask for what you want and let them decide if they will assist you or not. It’s your right to ask.
  • “I have something to ask you.”
  • “I’d really appreciate if you …”
• Decisions
  • “Can I have the day off?”
  • If you have personal time available, firmly express your intention, ideally with a good notice period.
  • “I’m planning on taking this day off.”
  • “I need this day off.”
  • “I’d like this day off.”
• Raise
  • “Can I have a raise?”
  • A request like this comes across as immature and entitled.
  • Instead, you’ll be in a much stronger position if you build a case for a raise or promotion.
  • “Here’s why I am ready for this position.”

Mistake #6 – Introduce your opinions

Do you ever start with:

• “I think that…”
• “I feel that…”
• “My opinion is…” ?

Because it makes you seem as if you don’t have expertise and decisiveness.

Whenever you speak, it is assumed that it is your opinion, unless you state otherwise. Therefore, you don’t need to explain that you are about to share your perspective.

Directly stating your perspective is more powerful, looks more confident, and gets other people’s attention.

Instead, say what you have to say directly or start with a more powerful statement such as:

• “I expect that…”
• “I’m convinced that…”
• “I’m sure that…”
• “I am certain that…”
• “I know that…”
• “My research shows that…”

Mistake #7 – Use tags

Do you use tags? Tags are questions attached to the end of a statement like:

• “This is the way forward, isn’t it?”
• “We need to focus on this, ok?”

Tags imply the need for confirmation or approval, which can be interpreted as  lacking confidence.

Another variation of tag is “Am I making sense?” which may imply that you are not in fact making sense and don’t know what you are talking about. Instead ask, “What is your view?”

Mistake #8 – Over-justify

Do you over-justify your opinions, mistakes, behaviors, or choices?

• Made a mistake?
• Arrived late?
• Missed a deadline?
• Fell short of their expectations?
• Want to take time off?
• Need to leave early?
• Changed your mind around an important decision?

Don’t beat yourself up, sacrifice yourself unnecessarily, or over-justify it.

Not only will it look like an excuse, but it will give others reason to challenge you more.

Give one simple justification. Choose your favorite one. Keep it short. And move on. Don’t dwell on it.

Mistake #9 – Uptalk

Do you uptalk? Uptalk (also called upspeak) is rising the intonation / pitch at the end of your declarative statement as if it were a question.

For example:

• “I’m going to take the day off?”
• “We should go forward with this?”
• “I don’t like how you treated me?”

For many, it undermines your authority because it sounds like you are asking a question. It comes across as insecure and unprofessional.

Instead, finish your statement as a statement, not as a question.

Mistake #10 – Become the office mom

As one of the few women in a department, you may feel tempted or even pushed to become the nurturing team caretaker. Do you:

• Bring in treats.
• Organize office birthdays and team events.
• Grab coffee for everyone.
• Take notes.
• Empathetically listen to everyone’s personal dramas and complaints.
• Patiently listen to people vent off their work frustrations.

Acting like the office mom may reduce respect others have for you.

You won’t be appreciated for it. And you’ll waste your time on activities that are not going to be considered high-value.

This doesn’t mean to not care about people.

It just means to be selective in how you do it, and not to take all the caring responsibility.

Value your time.

Get clear on what is considered high-value work and low-value work. High-value work being the activities that will get you ahead. Seek high-value responsibilities and delegate or eliminate the low values ones.

When you stop making these 10 non-assertive mistakes at work, you’ll immediately sound more confident, more credible, and people will start to take you seriously.

Commit to choosing one of these 10 mistakes to work on this week. Start by observing when you do them, and then try to refrain yourself and be more intentional about what you say.

CLICK HERE to subscribe to our newsletter to learn more tips like this one and get exclusive content that only our subscribers get.

Get started now with a crash course on how to be more assertive without being rude, aggressive, or a jerk by clicking here.