These books on assertive communication may change your life.
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Ever felt disrespected, ignored, taken for granted, or not taken seriously?
If so, assertiveness can help you earn respect from other people, get them to hear you, appreciate you, and take you seriously.
Assertiveness is a little known yet life-changing communication skill and empowerment tool that helps people speak up for themselves and speak their minds unapologetically in a respectful and anxious-free way.
In a way, assertiveness as a mix of psychology, negotiation, and communication skills.
I’ve put together a list of my favorite assertiveness books for you to seek inspiration, knowledge, and upskill your assertive communication.
You’ll notice that the authors of these books are a mix of psychologists, academics, and business professionals. I value the distinct insights from people from different walks of life.
The psychologists have a great historic and inner psychologic perspective. The academics and business professionals provide great negotiation and communication skills perspective.
Assertiveness also includes the skills of saying no and establishing boundaries, giving and receiving feedback, expressing views and feelings, and advocating for yourself. That’s why I’ve included some of those books in this list.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to watch our FREE assertiveness training: How To Be Assertive Without Being Rude here. This training, taken by thousands of people, will give you the starting skills to be more assertive and communicate with more confidence.
Here are the best 10 books on assertiveness and speaking up for yourself.
Best Assertiveness Books by Academics
The Power of a Positive No: How to Say NO and Still Get to A YES
By William Ury, co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation
This is my favorite book on boundaries and how to say no because it frames saying no as a negotiation strategy. It offers a simple formula to say no: Yes! No. Yes?
The book also breaks down the different types of NO, what reaction to expect from people, and how to deal with it.
“Did You Say Something, Susan?”: How Any Woman Can Gain Confidence with Assertive Communication
By Paulette Dale PhD, Professor Emeritus of Speech Communication/Linguistics and speaker.
This is an incredible book to empower and build confidence in women in both professional and personal life. The book shares several actionable tips, example dialogues, and exercises on how to be assertive.
This is a very powerful book, especially for soft-spoken, quiet, and overlooked women. It will give you courage and make you feel at ease speaking up for yourself.
Thanks for the feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
By Sheila Heen, negotiation professor at Harvard and Douglas Stone, principal at an organizational consulting firm and lecturer of law at Harvard Law School.
This book explains the different types of feedback (appreciation, coaching, and evaluation) and how to ask for the feedback you want or need.
It goes into depth about why we resist criticism and how to handle it well. It provides a framework on when to accept negative feedback and how to both cope and take advantage of it based on what you need.
Best Assertiveness Books by Business Professionals
Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity
By Kim Scott, who led teams at Google and coached several CEOs in tech.
Delivering candid feedback is an important part of assertive communication. And this book goes deep in how to do it well.
This is a book written for managers or bosses and provides an easy framework to deliver useful feedback by criticizing without discouraging through caring personally and challenging directly.
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
By Kerry Patterson, and international corporate consultant.
While this book is not directly about assertiveness, it teaches many assertiveness concepts.
This is a great book with a step-by-step framework on how to have difficult conversations with people who become defensive and don’t want to engage in the hard conversations with you. This book shows how to do so in a way that encourages the other person to collaborate with you.
There is one insight that the book indirectly reveals: why we become defensive when other people engage us in difficult conversations and how to handle it.
This is primarily a book for professionals, but the lessons can be applied to any personal or work conversation.
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion
By George J. Thompson PhD, police officer, and black belt master of karate who founded a successful non-violent communication training business.
This book is written by a cop with aggressive tendencies to help other Alpha dominant aggressive types assert themselves without being aggressive.
As someone who has people-pleasing passive tendencies, I found it incredibly eye-opening to understand the psychology of the more aggressive behaviors. It helped me understand how to deal with aggression in a more helpful way.
Best Assertiveness Books by Psychologists
The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
By Randy J. Paterson PhD
This is a great quick reference and practical book written by a clinical psychologist that is recommended by therapists. It covers mindset, tips, and has several exercises. It’s an easy to follow textbook with many bulleted points.
When I Say No I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy
By Manuel J. Smith, PhD, a psychologist and pioneer in assertiveness training.
This book goes deep into the bill of assertive rights. It helps you understand where your lack of assertiveness comes from and how to challenge your own beliefs about what you can or can’t say.
Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships
By Robert Alberti, PhD and Michel Emmons, PhD
The authors of this book are considered founders of assertiveness training. This book explains where lack of assertiveness comes from and also covers assertiveness in personal relationships. My favorite insight from this book is that what you say is less important than how you say it.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control Of Your Life
By John Townsend, PhD psychologist and Henry Cloud, PhD, clinical psychologist, consultant and entrepreneur running treatment centers.
This book is all about creating boundaries in your life. It includes 10 laws of boundaries, common boundary myths, and spends half of the book explaining how to have healthy boundaries with family, friends, spouse, children, work, self, and God. Note that this book has a religious undertone, but the knowledge is valid irrespective of your religion.
If you feel guilty saying no in most of your relationships, then this book is for you.
Bonus mention book:
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself
By Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
This is a deeply personal book written by a psychologist that specializes in confidence and has suffered from being a people-pleaser and passive himself.
He shares his perspective as a “nice guy”, the problems that come with it, and how he overcame those inner challenges to become more authentic and confident.
Enjoy your reading!
Free Resources To help you Be More Assertive Without Being Aggressive
If you’d like to jump-start your assertiveness learning, take this free introductory online class on how to be more assertive at work without being rude here.
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“Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are.” – Shakti Gawain