When Should You Say No?

WHEN TO SAY NO

There are some situations where it makes sense to say no. Here is a list of them.

Here are 7 situations where you can say no guilt-free:

• 1. Moral / ethical dilemma – You have a moral or ethical conflict with the request. Like helping someone cheat during an exam.
  2. Manipulation – The requester tries to manipulate you to help them. For example, someone tells you their life will be miserable if you don’t help them. Check the bonus for an overview of the main manipulation tactics.
  3. Conflict with your priorities or not critical – The request is not a huge deal and clearly conflicts with your personal priorities. For example, someone asks you to accompany them to a meeting so they have support, but you have an interview scheduled at that time.
  4. Depletes or hurts you – The request will significantly deplete your energy. For example, a partner asks you to present at a conference and you dread presentations.
  5. Frustrates you – The request will make you feel frustrated or upset. For example, someone asks you to lend them money and they don’t have a good track record on paying back on time.
  6. Good alternatives available – There are other people who are more obvious choices for the request, and you have other priorities. For example, a colleague wants you to cofound a company, you aren’t interested, and you know there are many others who could do it.
  7. Their mistake and not critical – It’s a non-threatening last-minute problem because the requester didn’t plan ahead of time, forgot something or was careless – in these cases, letting them assume the consequences for their mistakes will help them develop and work on their shortcomings.

Second, establish your boundaries:

• • • Set boundaries ahead of time – When you set your boundaries ahead of time, you’ll be in a better position to say no when a request that affects your boundaries come along. Without the boundaries, you’ll be dealing with figuring out what your boundaries are, the pressures of time and confusing feelings.
    • Be clear on tradeoffs – Have clarity of purpose & priorities to be clear and focused on the tradeoffs of saying yes to a request.
    • Value your time and energy – Value your time, energy and other resources. Understand what you want to achieve with them.

Here’s when NOT to say no:

• Contract – Don’t say no when there is a definite contract that you must respect and if you are not willing to pay the consequences of breaching that contract. If your contract says you need to give 2 months advance notice to your boss before leaving, you can’t say no to that. Now you can still negotiate it, but you can’t unilaterally say no without assuming the consequences.
• Physical danger – Also don’t say no when you are in physical danger. For example, if the safety committee asks you to put on a protection vest, don’t say no. You can ask questions, clarify, negotiate.
• Other dangers – Finally, use your common sense (which is different than fear), to determine if there are dangers of saying no to any given situation