The signs you are dealing with too much work guilt.
By Assertive Way
Do you feel guilt at work often?
Unnecessary guilt can cause low confidence, emotional fatigue, frustration and inaction.
Unnecessary guilt can cause low confidence, emotional fatigue, frustration and inaction.
There are many work situations where you don’t necessarily do anything wrong but that still may make you feel guilty. My intent is to demonstrate that much of the guilt is unjustified.
Here is a list of things that made me felt guilty at work. Do you also feel guilty with any of these?
Working fewer hours than I thought was reasonable every single day
- Working less than 10hrs a day when the contacted working time was 8hrs
- Leaving before the boss
- Arriving after the boss
Doing anything other than “heads down” work
- Using my lunch and coffee breaks to network with other departments
- Being caught by my boss talking about anything other than work with others
- Taking a few minutes to call or receive a call on my personal phone that was not related to work
Making mistakes
- Making any mistake
- If my team made a mistake
- Missing a deadline
Not looking good enough
- Not looking sufficiently groomed or professional
- Not wearing heals or makeup
- Having a bad hair day
- If nail polish came off
Not having the ideal personality and attitude
- Smiling too much
- Looking too relaxed
- Not being nice enough
- Being too sensitive
- Not having a “thick” skin
- Crying hidden in the bathroom
- Not speaking with enough confidence
- Hesitating
- Eating lunch at the company garden to recharge my energy
Saying no
- Saying no to a request from the boss
- Saying no to a request from an employee
- Not picking up my bosses call when I was busy
Interrupting or bothering others
- Interrupting others
- Disappointing anyone
- Coughing in a meeting
- Coming late to a meeting
- Leaving early from a meeting
- Stepping out to take a call during a meeting
Asking for anything
- Asking for performance review and feedback
- Asking for resources and special projects
- Asking for training opportunities
- Asking to attend industry conferences
- Asking for promotion or salary increase
- Asking to take my vacation days
- Asking my boss for help
- Taking sick leave when I was sick
- Asking to take time during the day to resolve things that I could only deal with during the day such as moving, doctor appointment, obtaining visas for travel and dealing with the bank
Failing to do what is thought to be expected
- Not speaking enough in meetings
- Saying something that I didn’t think was wise enough during a meeting
- Not initiating small talk when in the presence of senior executives
- Not initiating small talk in the elevator
- Not offering comments that were insightful enough (according to my standards)
- Not being able to get my team enough visibility
- Not being able to defend my team from bullies
Feeling responsible for others’ unhappiness
- If any employee was unhappy for any reason
- Upsetting my boss or anyone else
Conclusion
In summary, I felt guilty for anything that I assumed:
- Didn’t please others
- Didn’t put the company interests ahead of my own interests and well-being at all times
- Disturbed others to any extent
In summary, I felt guilty for anything that I assumed:
- Didn’t please others
- Didn’t put the company interests ahead of my own interests and well-being at all times
- Disturbed others to any extent
A lot of those assumptions about what I did to displease others were imaginary creations of my mind.
Guilt was a daily occurrence. No, that is an understatement. Guilt was an all the time occurrence. Many times, the guilt would convert into frustration, resentment and anger towards the company. I often felt like a prisoner, who had to be perfect in order to have a chance at growing in my career.
All this fear and guilt is extremely energy depleting.
It was only when I took action despite the fear and guilt that I was able to release myself from the psychological prison and burden I created for myself. And with that, release the frustration and resentment, and be able to better focus on what mattered.
The secret to finding the balance between serving the company, your boss, employees, customers AND serving yourself, your happiness and wellbeing is assertive communication.
Assertive communication allows you to express what you feel, what you need and what you want without feeling guilty, while remaining considerate with others.
“The worst guilt is to accept an unearned guilt” – philosopher and novelist Ayn Rand