Talk to your boss before you quit.
By Assertive Way
You plan on quitting your job because of how your boss treats you. Perhaps your boss makes unreasonable demands, doesn’t give you feedback or provide the support you need. Bad bosses are a common problem. About half of employees left their jobs at some point because of a bad boss, according to a Gallup study.
Bad bosses are a common problem.
Sometimes you may want to make your boss feel guilty for being the reason for quitting. You may want them to learn a lesson from it. You may want them to be penalized for doing a poor job managing you.
It is very easy to get into the victim mindset and make decisions from that perspective. However, it is possibly the worst strategy for decision making.
Why don’t you ask yourself this instead: “How can I get my boss to be a better manager for me?”. Notice that the phrase ends with “for me”. Your goal is not to train your boss on how to be a great leader, but to adjust their behaviors to benefit you specifically. Making it about you takes away blaming and reduces the boss’s defensiveness.
Don’t quit your job until you have this conversation with the boss. The goal of the conversations is not to backfire but to set your boundaries, clarify roles and feel in control again.
Here’s why: no matter where you go work next, your boss will not be perfect, will have limitations and will make mistakes. Most managers don’t get leadership training and don’t get the job because they are great at managing people. In addition, most managers don’t intend to be bad managers and are not even aware that they are doing a poor job. Quitting will not hurt your boss nearly as much as it will hurt you. In a few weeks your boss will recruit a replacement and you will soon be history.
On the other hand, if you quit, you’ll have to go through the painful process of finding a new job, adapting to the new job, establishing new relationships and trust, proving yourself all over again. This could take months or years!
Don’t think you’ll hurt the boss if you quit. You’ll hurt yourself. Don’t think the boss will “learn” a lesson, he/she’ll just think poorly of you and never refer you or help you again.
And it won’t solve the underlying problem. The underlying problem in many cases is that you haven’t even tried to change your boss’s behavior towards you. You haven’t had the right conversations, or you haven’t had any conversations about how you want to be managed. Once you realize you are largely responsible for how you are treated at work, then you’ll be able to change it. Here are some guidelines on how to be treated with respect by your boss.
I speak from experience. I thought I had to be a ‘yes’ person to get ahead. It took me years to figure out how to say no. But once I got used to saying no, my boss gave me extra resources and we worked together to reduce my workload.
Changing companies won’t necessarily solve the problems you face. Those problems or new ones are likely to happen over and over again if you don’t deal with them. Therefore, deal with that first. Then decide if you still want to change jobs.
Therefore, avoid making important decisions from a victim mindset. Instead, choose to try to fix the problem first, then strategically decide what to do next.
It can be very hard at times to confront the boss about these issues. In the moment it may feel easier to quit. It helps if you think of actual medium-term consequences for your time and career.
Changing companies won’t necessarily solve the problems you face.
If you’ve tried to solve the problem and then decide to leave the company, don’t blame the boss. If you want to share feedback, explain the misfit between your goals and the company / position. However, this conversation shouldn’t provide new information to the boss. Hopefully you’ve already discussed it and tried to find a solution before you quit.
SUMMARY
Don’t quit your job because of a bad boss until you’ve had the right conversations. Until you’ve done your best in changing their behaviors towards you. By quitting, you won’t hurt your boss. You’ll hurt yourself. You’ll go through the long and hard process of finding a new job, adapting to the new job, establishing new relationships and trust, and proving yourself all over again. Then, there is a very high chance you’ll end up with similar or new boss related problems. The cycle will keep repeating. Therefore, avoid making important decisions from a victim mindset. Instead, choose to try to fix the problem first, then strategically decide what to do next. If you still decide to leave, don’t blame the boss. It will only have them resent you and will not change any behavior.
ADDITIONAL POSTS
For more articles on how to manage a difficult boss visit these posts:
“Take the time and energy to manage your boss the same way you manage your team.” – David Cottrell, CEO of CornerStone Leadership Institute