Too polite can increase feelings of hostility if it signals mistrust.
By Assertive Way
We are taught at a young age to be polite with everyone. To say thank you, sorry and excuse me. Sometimes we grow up into adults and continue to act very polite all the time. And sometimes others may avoid the super nice and polite people. Why could that be?
Sometimes others may avoid the super nice and polite people.
People are tired of fake or fabricated friendships, campaigns and models. Tall skinny white models are being replaced by normal sized, ethnic, all body shaped models. Marketing campaigns with perfect looking rich people standing next to an amazing car in the desert are being replaced by everyday situations that we can all relate to. Complicated technical writing is being replaced with aggressive language and is applauded and followed by millions because it’s associated with authenticity and honesty. Content created by corporations and agencies are being replaced by content created by everyday people sharing ideas from their homes. There is an epidemic of lack of trust for the perfect and emotionless. People want the ‘real deal’. People want connection and relatability.
A very polite behavior can often be interpreted as artificial, unreliable and inauthentic. A polite façade may be hiding the real criticism and judgement. Therefore, overly polite can be seen as fake and hiding the truth. Especially if you are always polite and rarely deliver contrarian positions, negative feedback or disagreement.
Being overly polite means at times you hide the real feelings behind a facade of politeness, but your facial micro expressions and body language may send out a different message.
That difference between what you say and what your body says can be easily read by others and cause them to mistrust you. They may perceive it as false and they may worry you will manipulate them.
That difference between what you say and what your body says can be easily read by others and cause them to mistrust you.
So, what’s the solution? Be polite but don’t hide negative feelings under the politeness.
Continue to be polite but if something is bothering you, talk about it. That way your words, face and body language will be congruent, and you won’t appear to have a secret dishonest agenda.
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” – Brene Brown, PhD research professor at University of Houston