It is not the same as being kind and considerate.
By Assertive Way
It’s easy to fall into the people-pleasing trap and not even know it. We think our kindness drives our behavior, but sometimes fear does instead.
The more successful you become, the more people you will displease.
Build your confidence to speak up and share your voice with the podcast “Speak Your Mind Unapologetically.”
The more successful you become, the more people you will displease.
Key problems with people-pleasing
- You’ll never please everyone
- There is only so much time in a day
- It takes you away from your goals and responsibilities
- It attracts manipulators and advantage takers
- You give away your power to others
- It is not always the caring and considerate action
- It’s exhausting physically and emotionally
- It’s not authentic
- It causes distrust
- It’s not viewed as a leadership trait
18 signs that you may be a people-pleaser
- You don’t do what you want if it may hurt other’s feelings
- You go out of your way to not bother other people
- You ask for permission to express yourself
- You do what you think others want without even knowing if they want it
- You apologize and over justify
- You smile at others even when you don’t feel like it
- You agree with others even if you don’t really agree
- You don’t express dissenting or strong views
- You say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’
- You mimic others around you
- You worry about what you need to do to fit in
- You let others make decisions on your behalf
- You offer help without anyone asking for it
- You do everything you can to avoid conflict
- You try to make others like you
- Your priorities are secondary
- You see yourself as the giver
- You never interrupt others, but others interrupt you all the time
How to reduce your people-pleasing
- Learn to be more assertive (without being aggressive or rude). Assertiveness is the skill of expressing yourself in a respectful way. Get started with this free crash course on assertive communication.
- Remember you are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
- Focus more on your needs and desires.
- Be more aware of your people-pleasing.
- Get tiny wins every day by saying no and asking for what you want.
Remember that you are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
Quotes for you to consider before people-pleasing
- “The only thing wrong with trying to please everyone is that there’s always at least one person who will remain unhappy. You.” – Elizabeth Parker
- “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu
- “I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” – Ed Sheeran
- “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
- “If you try to people please all, you please none.” – Aesop
- “A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.” – Dinkar Kalotra
- “There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” – Aristotle
- “Connection is not built off of people people-pleasing. Connection happens when you can be honest with someone and they are secure enough in themselves to respect where you are at.” – Elizabeth Su
- “If our primary goal is to be approved of, then we are not going to take risks, we are not going to speak out, we are going to try and blend in.” – Arianna Huffington
- “I realized I was more convincing to myself and to the people who were listening when I actually said what I thought, versus what I thought people wanted to hear me say.” – Ursula Burns
- “The first thing I’d say to women is put aside the guilt. I think we’re all genetically programmed to feel guilty for not giving total effort at the job.” – Indra Nooyi
People-pleasing or not, it is a choice.
Choose to keep your power, your priorities, and your authenticity.
SUMMARY
People-pleasing reduces your productivity, the quality of your relationships, and your overall happiness. It also diminishes your chances of getting promotions and leadership roles. And it is not a sign of kindness or caring. It is a sign of fear of rejection. Find how many people-pleasing behaviors you have. To reduce people-pleasing remember you are not responsible for other people’s feelings, focus more on your own needs and desires, and get tiny wins every day by saying no and asking for what you want.
7 Steps To Confidently Say No Without Hurting Any Feelings
Are you sick and tired of giving in to unreasonable requests at work? It doesn’t have to be that way! Find out how to say no politely with this 7-step process in this exclusive guide here!
“The only thing wrong with trying to please everyone is that there’s always at least one person who will remain unhappy. You.” – Elizabeth Parker