You don’t need to act serious to be taken seriously.
By Assertive Way
For many years I wanted to be taken seriously, so I acted serious. I deliberately avoided smiling or displaying emotions when around higher-ups in the traditional and often male-dominated corporate world.
I avoided talking about my personal life. I had an artificial laugh for when I thought I should laugh. I became somber. I became rigid. I became boring. I was trying to people-please.
My goal was to establish a reputation of authority and to be respected in the organization. I wanted higher-ups to see me as leadership material.
My behavior with junior people and colleagues at my level was noticeably different. I smiled, laughed, and connected. I had passion and energy.
This dichotomy in behavior was awkward but I learned to manage it. The real authentic me was how I interacted with people at my level or more junior staff.
I deliberately avoided smiling or displaying emotions when around higher-ups in the traditional corporate world.
Is serious better?
Then I saw a lot of spontaneous people be promoted. They managed to connect at a personal level and build trust with people that were 3 to 4 times higher ranked than them. They became friends.
That shook my belief about the need to act serious to be taken seriously.
Typically, the most powerful person in the room behaves in a relaxed casual way. The more junior people in the room are the ones who behave in more unnatural ways. Some try to be serious, others try to fill in the silence, and others try to use fancy jargon to stand out. True authority does not come from forceful behavior.
Since then I have realized that muting your personality, your energy, your vibrant self at work has a price. I also realized that there are other more powerful ways to be taken seriously and increase your authority.
The problems
Here are 3 problems with acting in a serious matter when it is inauthentic.
1. It significantly reduces your ability to connect with others
Emotionless robots don’t foster connection. Authenticity creates connection. Vulnerability creates connection. Real smiles create connection. Personality creates connection. And connection is a key ingredient of meaningful work relationships.
Having different behaviors and personalities depending on whom you talk to does not inspire trust. If people don’t trust you, they will distance themselves emotionally because they think you have a hidden agenda.
People don’t enjoy being around others who never smile or who don’t have personality. Higher ups also want to be around people who bring positive energy and joy into their day.
2. It steals your joy
It takes away your joy. You already spend the majority of your daylight hours at work. You won’t look forward to wake up for a dull grim work day. The negative energy will also pass on to your family life at the end of the day.
3. It’s emotionally exhausting to be inconsistent
It is exhausting to consistently act differently than who you are. It takes a lot of effort to be someone who you aren’t. And it can mute your creativity.
There are already a lot of problems and challenges to deal with in life. Why add another big one? Let your true personality shine. It will attract the right people and the right environment that will allow you to thrive as you are.
Be yourself because it is easier, and it feels better, and it helps create meaningful work relationships.
Conclusion
Be yourself because it is easier, it feels better, and it helps create meaningful work relationships. If your personality does not suit the job, then find another job that does. It is that simple. But often you will find that your personality fits the job just fine.
Many traditional company cultures are now moving to more casual entrepreneurial style cultures. Many executives who grew up in the more formal serious ways of business are now embracing the lighter, more creative, and expressive ways.
Acting too serious when it is not you is not the best path to be taken seriously. Smiling does not make you unprofessional.
SUMMARY
Avoiding a smile or expressing yourself is not going to take away your authority. Acting too serious when it is not you is not the best path to be taken seriously.
Here are 3 problems with acting in a serious matter when it is inauthentic. It significantly reduces your ability to connect with others and to create meaningful work relationships, it steals your joy, and it’s emotionally exhausting.
“Always let your employees come to work with a smile.” – Jack Ma