Treat it like a big task and act kindly.
By Assertive Way
Do you ever procrastinate a task because it involves asking for something, making an unpopular decision, or displeasing someone? Perhaps you feel like you are going to bother them? But deep down, you know you must take action.
Procrastination can hold you back from achieving your goals and increases your stress.
The paradox is that these tasks that involve others are often the quickest to get done. One conversation or phone call would do the job. However, if we are very agreeable, we might still avoid them like cats avoid water. The psychological effort is huge.
The psychological effort is huge.
Recently I had a pending task for nearly 2 weeks. The task was to clarify questions on a business service I paid for. I had sent an email 2 weeks prior, with no replies. I had to call.
Subconsciously, I found myself worrying that I had asked them an unreasonable number of questions. At the same time my rational side told me that it’s my right to ask to clarify questions, and that if the service provider had any issues with it, that they would let me know. And then we could deal with it.
After managing to overcome the procrastination bug and calling the provider, it turned out they were very apologetic for not having answered my email.
In my experience, 95% of the time I am concerned about being annoying or bothering others, I am wrong. In those rare instances where people demonstrate annoyance, I just need to realize the annoyance is theirs, not mine.
This also happened often with my team members. When I asked them to seek information from people in the organization that were more senior, they’d also procrastinate because they felt uncomfortable bothering busy senior people.
I find that treating the issue like a big task and executing it with kind intentions help me overcome the initial “being a burden” resistance.
I find that treating the issue like a big task and executing it with kind intentions help me overcome the initial “being a burden” resistance.
Here are 10 ways to avoid procrastination when it is rooted in the fear displeasing others.
Treat it like a big task
Invite your rational brain
One way to deal with your irrational self who is afraid of bothering others during a task, is to activate your rational self. One way to invite your logical side is to write down your thoughts, tasks and concerns.
Share with someone else
Share the task with someone in your inner circle to create accountability. The more you respect and want to avoid disappointing that person, the better.
Your people pleasing instinct will be divided between not bothering one person versus not disappointing the other person. That will bring some balance into your subconscious procrastinator.
Place it at the top of your to do list
A task may only take a few minutes to implement when it involves talking to someone else. However, if you find yourself avoiding it, it is because it is psychologically difficult. Like anything hard to implement, put it at the top of your to do list to give it the needed attention and urgency.
Get a mini action done
When you have to talk to someone, the first step is to prepare for the talk. Get your questions ready or write the number and name of the person you want to talk to.
Accomplishing small easy mini tasks will build your courage to take on the harder tasks.
Bring out the panic
Let the worry of disappointing yourself emerge. This will provide another opposite weight to the worry of burdening others.
Remind yourself of what dream you are potentially depriving your future self from, if you don’t take this action.
Do it kindly
Tell yourself you are going to be respectful and considerate
It may be easier to prepare yourself for a conversation with the mindset of non-confrontation. Remind yourself that you have a message and goal, but that you will still be respectful and considerate with the other person.
Do it when you are feeling positive and proactive
A positive moment could be after a work-out, a walk, a nice weekend, or a great meal. If you are in a positive state of mind, you will be more optimistic about the outcome of the conversation and therefore more inclined to just get it done.
Explain the situation
Before you make a request or communicate, explain the situation and your perspective. Just the explanation itself may trigger the other to react the way you expect.
That was the case in the call I mentioned earlier. The person said, “Yes, I read your email and I am working on it”. She then proceeded to explain why she hadn’t replied yet, apologize and promise to deliver that same day.
Invite the other to help you solve the problem
It is often less psychologically difficult to invite someone to help you to solve a problem rather than to ask for a solution that you already decided on.
Ask the other party “I’d appreciate your opinion on this. What do you suggest is the best way to solve this problem?”.
That forces the other person to empathize with you and potentially volunteer the solution you were looking for or come up with a better solution.
Follow-up with a thank you
Once you are done with the conversation, send a thank you note or email. The other person will certainly appreciate the appreciation. And you will feel less guilty about having made the request.
Conclusion
As you conquer your burden-based procrastination, you will simultaneously increase your confidence, feel more relaxed and accomplished.
Next time you find yourself procrastinating because you don’t want to disturb someone, recognize your pattern, treat it like a big task and put your kind but assertive hat on.
Invite your rational brain, share the goal with someone else, place it at the top of your to do list, get a mini action done, bring out the panic, tell yourself you are going to be respectful and considerate, explain the situation, invite the other to help you solve the problem, and follow-up with a thank you.
Meanwhile, give yourself patience and understanding as you develop the emotional resilience.
Meanwhile, give yourself patience and understanding as you develop the emotional resilience.
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“Procrastination is, hands down, our favorite form of self-sabotage.”
– Alyce Cornyn-Selby, acclaimed speaker on self-sabotage